G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

Another movie based on Hasbro toys and this one nevertheless directed by Stephen Summers! The only good thing about going to this movie was that the trailer of Inglourious Basterds was showing, confirming its release in Malaysia 22 August! Woohoo! When the producers decided to not screen the movie to print critics and focused on internet critics instead you know somethings up. And that something went straight up G.I's ass. The punishment for the act of treason (it is engraved in law) would be 'hang, drawn and quartered'. However, the film opened with this surly motherfucker caught for selling arms to both sides and the British punished him by placing a melted mask on his face. WTF! Historical inaccuracy!

Imagine the cheesiest pizza you can find and place a side order of the corniest corn you can find and you get G.I Joe (retarded comparison I know, couldn't find anything else). Cheese and corn have been ordered to the max and you can clearly see it in the film from the script to the music score to the build up and of course the flashbacks. In the course of the film we see a couple of flashbacks in cue from the black ninja and the white ninja. It could have worked but it didn't. Blame it on bad directing. The plot goes as such. The descendant of the dude in the beginning builds this nano warheads for NATO and tasks the army to send it to someone. Turns out he build them for NATO to get funding and plans to steal it back to use them himself. This looks like a job for the Joe's! Plot wise its not too deep and you can quickly make up the end eventhough there are two supposed twists. Well, the only reason I watched the film was probably because of Ray Park. Lo and behold my disappointment when I discovered the katana fight scenes weren't that special.

In a nutshell, this movie is similar to Transformers 2 with the exceptions of robots. Like T2 G.I overuses the slow motion special effect to the act of unnecessary. Seriously, nobody nowadays can do slow motion as cool as The Matrix and 300. Although I admit I liked the chase scene through Paris but that was only a short transfix. One of the only characters to stand out was Arnold Vosloo as Zartar, Master of Disguises and of course Sienna Miller as Ana Lewis. I would say that Sienna Miller is a much more viewtiful eye candy than tranny Megan Fox.

The humour in the film was not up to par if compared to other lite blockbusters as Ironman. The funniest part in the movie consisted of a helicopter pilot muttering the words 'oh my god' before getting killed by a nanite blast which looked like a cum shot. Although some of the weapon techs were deemed cool, it was not all that impressive. The movie goers behind me however were very much impressed and were not able to comprehend the simplistic plot. Example of conversation behind me:

1. Kenapa dia tembak President too?
2. Dia terbang-lah
3. Dia dah mati ke?
4. Oooooooo
5. Ahhhhhh

Motherfuckers, shut the fuck up and watch the fucking movie. Talking is not allowed in the cinema unless your making clever comments about the film such as:

1. This movie is fucking retarded
2. Thats the most metrosexual ninja I've seen
3. Sienna Miller is hot
4. WTF (in a bad sense)
   
5. I bet you that Doctor is the girl's brother

Overall, the acting was average (Dennis Quaid, I was counting on you), script is not worth mentioning, plot is typical, Stephen Summers should pack up and please don't make another one. Its not as sucky as Transformers 2 but its just as bad.

3/10