The Director's Seat

The Amazing Monologue of Mreps and Muc

2009-10-17T22:04:00.000-07:00

The new blog is here! Creativity and imagination run wild! Fellow brother and uncle Mreps and Muc discuss everyday topics while keeping a profound element of insanity!

The Amazing Monologue of Mreps and Muc

The End

2009-10-17T20:55:00.000-07:00

This is it, the end. Its been quite a lifeless blog. Nobody reads it (a few do, like 1 or 2) and I'm a bit lazy to continue. Personal blogs are more of a hit with the masses but I have principles dammit and I will never ever do a personal blog. I already have a new blog harbouring upon the horizon and I guess I'll do that instead. Before this blog, there existed my other two blogs "Exploding Brains" about the future and "Episodes" about assassins. But those too were lifeless and I again got lazy.

To those that actually read my blog, thank you for taking the time to read upon my thoughts about movies and the like. I don't think I'll be permanently deleting this blog as I have become quite attached to it. Off I go, towards the end of it all.

And to finish off, a final quote by Herbal Kint from the Usual Suspects:

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And like that, poof. He's gone :)

Inception (Preview)

2009-10-11T07:12:00.000-07:00

Directed by: Christopher Nolan

Written by: Christopher Nolan

Starring: Leonardo Dicaprio, Ken Watanabe, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Ellen Page, Cillian Murphy

Release Date: July 16 2010

Why should you watch this movie:

Directed and written by Christopher Nolan
Mentally challenging
Not your average dumb as a block blockbuster
$200 million budget!
Its definitely worth the time and price

Not much information is divulged upon this film as its still kept tightly under wraps but Christopher Nolan who has done Memento (4th fav film of all time!), Insomnia, Batman: Begins and the Dark Knight (fav film of 2008!) is one who would make any film beyond brilliant. Pressures on him though to see if he can top the Dark Knight. All I know about Inception is; it is set within the architecture of the mind and should be 2010's film of the year.

Love is a Battlefield

2009-10-10T02:55:00.000-07:00

Why does love exist? Is it an emotion? An illusion? Or just a fragment of our purported attempts to appear human? Whatever it is, it affects us like the bubonic plague. Here, here this post here, dedicated to those that have lost their love and have a hard time coping with reality. If your one of them, do not freight as I have the cure. COMEDY! Nothing like a good comedy to lighten up one's depressing day. Not included in this list would be romantic comedy which I think is shite (Howevr, not all romantic comedies are shite, just the bulk of them). Every film in this top ten does not contain any romance and therefore acceptable for all those people who have that one voice telling them to summon Krakatow.

10. Pineapple Express (2008)

Stand out moment: Watching people high on drugs do things that apply to people not high on drugs

9. I'm Gonna Git You Sucka (1988)

Stand out moment: Guy carrying fuck load of pistols and shotties gets asked by comrades, "Don't you think your carrying enough" to which he replies, "There's never enough" and then proceeds and slips and falls on his back triggering all those pistols and shotties to accidentally fire into his body. We're talking multiple rounds here. And he survives to ask, "Did we get that son of a bitch?"

8. Old School (2003)

Stand out moment: Fat guy ties brick to penis and tosses it to the ground from a two storey building as part of a "trust" initiation to the fraternity. Brick falls into open manhole.

7. Tenacious D: The Pick of Destiny (2006)

Stand out moment: Master Exploder dream sequence

6. Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2003)

Stand out moment: Fight scene between newscasters between comedy stars Will Ferrell, Vince Vaughn, Steve Carell, David Koechner, Ben Stiller, Luke Wilson, Paul Rudd and Tim Robbins

5. Monty Python and the Meaning of Life (1983)

Stand out moment: Find the fish

4. Hot Fuzz (2007)

Stand out moment: The final pop capping gang busting action comedy packed shootout

3. Ladykillers (2004)

Stand out moment: Guy proceeds to shoot other guy but revolver clicks prompting guy with gun to below, "What! No bullets?" while looking into the revolver's chamber. Accidentally clicks the trigger which releases the bullet. LOL!

2. Borat (2006)

Stand out moment: Two guys running around naked in a hotel

1. Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1979)

Stand out moment: The Rabbit of Caerbannog

There you have it. Top 10 films you need to watch to get over a broken heart.

Note: I was thinking of placing Shaun of the Dead, Knocked Up, Hot Shots, Top Secret, Superbad and Naked Gun but realise that they contain a bit of romance.

Observe and Report

2009-10-08T18:03:00.000-07:00

I'm a big fan of Seth Rogen. Absolutely loved him in 40 Year Old Virgin, Knocked Up, Superbad, Pinepalle Express, Zack and Miri Make a Porno. This one however, I'm a bit divided. As a dark comedy, this is as dark as it goes. Let me start this one off by saying if it wasn't for the second half of the movie, I would have given this movie a 3/10. I felt tempted to take out the DVD but I stayed and thankfully the second half was the saving grace for the movie. Observe and Report tells the story of Ronnie Barnhardth (Seth Rogen) who as head of mall security finds his calling when a flasher terrorises Forest Ridge Mall parking lot. In an attempt to catch the perpetrator and win the girl of his dreams (Anna Faris), Ronnie and his rag tag team of security guards have to use their wits to beat the bad guy while having to compete with Detective Harrison (Ray Liotta). The premise seems simple enough but the one thing that makes this film stand out would be Rogen's character. He's a messed up complicated delusional incompetent guy who has all the makings of an underdog. Let me be a bit blunt here. In the first half of the film, Ronnie was unlikeable. Period. Throughout, the first half I was literally getting raped in my head continually spewing the "WTF" phrase over and over. I didn't get him. I just didn't like him.

Most of the first half looked and felt like shit. The editing was off, the jokes were off and even Liotta who should be a stand out was off. However, a big however, the second half seemed as if it was written and directed by an entirely different person altogether. Jody Hill who wrote and directed this film may have a split personality disorder. This being his second film, Hill shows some promise. In the second half, the film takes a darker turn. Everything falls apart for Ronnie who seems to be losing it as time goes by as he becomes increasingly delusional (due to not taking his meds anymore) and violent. The standout moment would be the confrontation between Ronnie and Harrision. There is a subtle message embedded within the film. You just have to find it. It really was interesting. And dare I say it, Observe and Report could be a smart movie (second half though).

Rogen brings an intensity into the character, you never know what he's gonna do. The relationship developed between Ronnie and his second in command, Dennis (Michael Pena) should be applauded as it brings up questions of what life is about and the principles that hold life together. Like I mentioned before, Anna Faris is in the movie. And here me right when I say I don't like Anna Faris at all as an actress. Although, some might say that she sort of fits the role of an annoying dumb as hell bimbo, I just don't like her. I don't know if it's real though but she has some big boobs.

Also included to the ending chase scene was my all time favourite song but covered by a different artist. I would have prefered if the used the original 'Where is my Mind' by the Pixies. Before I forget, there is some controversy surrounding the film, especially the date rape scene. But in my honest opinion, it was just part of the joke. Its nothing too serious. Overall, it was a very very interesting film but it would have been a much better film if the first half was half as good as the second half which supports the half of the other half's half. I give it a 6/10

Postitives: Second Half, Interesting analogy, Rogen's character, Where is my Mind

Negatives: First Half (Bad editing, Bad jokes, Just a normalised WTF stamp of approval)

Final Destination 4

2009-10-08T06:20:00.000-07:00

I would say this once and only once, this movie was definately intended for a 3-D viewing. At the time, I lost the opportunity to do so and hence have instead watched it in 2-D. What can I say. I mean, what the fuck can I really say about this anus splitting testicle ripping dick castration piece of hellish shit. If you would remember my previous review of Transformers 2, you would that that would be as bad as it goes. I doth protest. This is the worst. I won't even waste my time reviewing this piece of crap and thus wasting my time. Instead I will offer ways to improve upon the series if God help us, they make another one.

Hence I give you,

10 Ways to Improve the Next Final Destination:

The people that get premonitions; explain why they're so special to get them and how
Go back to basics, over the top death scenes just don't cut it anymore
Play on human emotions like paranoia
Make the next one in space
Make the next one in space but through an underwater virtual device
Have Death fight it out with the victims in a game of Life
A cameo by Hades
A cameo by Zac Effron getting killed a gruesome death as soon as he comes on the screen. And make his character gay
Make the next one a comedy (this one does it so well)
Don't make another one

A movie as shit as this should not have existed. It has. May God have mercy on us all.

Updating

2009-10-08T05:49:00.000-07:00

Man oh man am I slacking. Haven't had a very consistent update action have we now me droogies. Right, right?

The root of the problem lies in the assignments. Oh how ist thy assignments horrifyingly anal. That and coupled with the arrival of a magnitude of video games. Just to let you all know (even if you fuckers don't give a shit, I'll still say it cause its my fucking blog), I managed to complete all the Riddler's challenges in Batman: Arkham Asylum! All 240! WOOHOO!

Updating will commence starting with a few movie reviews. I realise that this particular post comes too close to being personal and we don't want that shit now do we? I don't want you to know any more about me as much as I don't want to know whether or not you createns are masturbating to this awesome post.

Indeed, people do bother me so with such questions as; why is your blog not a personal blog? Only girls have personal blogs. Real men have blogs to critic every aspect of life. Honestly, do you motherfuckers really want to know about my love life, toilet life, secret agent life or as we delve onward, superhero life? NO! You want cutting edge vernacular shit and if you wanted something personal you would have gone and killed somebody close range while saying; Its always personal motherfucker! Please comment though or maybe I'll have a vote. Should I or should I not add a more personal touch to my blog?

Inglourious Basterds

2009-09-26T06:47:00.000-07:00

I find it so fucking retarded that I have to go all the way to Singapore just to watch Inglourious Basterds. If it wasn't for Singapore, I would have to wait for 22nd October and no doubt censored. I actually didn't know it was out in S'pore but fate would bring my attention towards it. Best vacation EVER! Even if it did suck a little.

Films summary is as such; the film is divided into two stories, one concerning Shosanna Dreyfus (Melanie Laurent) a Jew who survived the massacre at the farm escaping from the clutches of Nazi Colonel Hans Landa a.k.a the 'Jew Hunter' (Christopher Waltz) and the other story concerning the Basterds led by Lt. Aldo Raine a.k.a 'Aldo the Apache' (Brad Pitt) whose sole objective simply put is to 'kill Nazi's'. The two stories meet at the end with both parties engaging in the obliteration of the Nazi High Command.

(From left: Melanie Laurent, Christopher Waltz, Omar Doom, Daniel Bruhl, Quentin Tarantino, Eli Roth, Diane Kruger and Brad Pitt)

The plot was very engaging. You never knew what would happen next and even if you did, the film still had me gripping at the edge. The plot and feel was reminiscent of earlier Spaghetti Westerns and those classic War films like; Where Eagles Dare or Dirty Dozen. But when you go to watch a Tarantino film, you don't go for the plot. You go for the dialogue. The movie is jam packed with talking and in most movies that would be a problem but not in IB though. It was one of those films that made me go; Shit, I wish I could talk like that in real life. The film albeit most of it was in French or German had very memorable lines such as;

Lt. Aldo Raine: Actually Werner, we're all tickled to hear you say that. Frankly, watchin' Donny beat Nazi's to death is the closest we ever get to goin' to the movies

Sgt. Hugo Stigilz: Say "auf Wiedersehen" to your Nazi balls!

Col. Hans Landa: You need all four to win the war

Lt. Archie Hicox: Well, if this is it, old boy, I hope you don't mind I go out speaking the King's?
Major Dieter Hellstorm: By all means Captain
Lt. Archie Hicox: There's a special rung in hell reserved for people who waste good scotch. And seeing as I might be rapping on the door momentarily...
[drinks scotch]
Lt. Archie Hicox: I must say, damned good stuff, sir
[pause]
Lt. Archie Hicox: Now, about this pickle we find ourselves in...

How was Brad Pitt's performance in the film? All I can say is...its Brad Pitt, what more can you expect? He does what he does to his best ability in his Southern accent. The real standout of the film was Christopher Waltz as Col. Hans Landa. If he doesn't get nominated for an Oscar, I will go on a FUCKING rampage! He was brilliant. No! More than brilliant! GODLIKE! Waltz brought in the life for the character as a smooth talking, sadistic, linguistic (speaks French, German, Italian and English perfectly), genius of a detective as he says. He was a colourful character almost eccentric and a bit playful. But that's just a disguise. When Landa gets down to it, he gets down to it. The first Chapter is the perfect start to introduce his character. Watch as he starts off as a friendly just a normal helpful guy but Landa turns into a menacing persona when he wants what he wants breaking a man with just words and words alone. He's a chillign character and Waltz brings onto himself a presence in every scene. This is what a villian is all about. A few pictures below of Landa just because he pwns.

Friendly mode

Menacing mode

I'm gonna get you motherfucker!

The others in the cast that I grew fond of would be Michael Fassbender as Lt. Archie Hicox, a film critic before the war, fluent in German..

And Til Schweiger as Sgt. Hugo Stigilz, a quiet psychotic German soldier who killed 13 Gestapo soldiers and was rescued by the Basterds

Plus some eye candy courtesy of French actress Melanie Laurent as Shosanna

The character of Shosanna can be described as a repetition of the Bride from the Kill Bill films but with a touch of vulnerability although sharing the same qualities of determination, vengeful persona.

IB was in fact a dark comedy and it was no doubt very funny. The jokes were simple, with very little effort put into them but believe me when I say that the film was a hilarious, enjoyable ride. Plus with a killing soundtrack (which I would recommend to get), IB was an unforgettable film. If you were to observe correctly, you would catch the many references made to movies and movie celebrities within the era a true Tarantino style as he makes homages to those flicks. Speaking of Quentin Tarantino, watch out for his cameo. Make that two. I missed it, but plan to spot it when the film comes to Malaysia.

I only have a couple of complaints though, one would be the lack of interaction within the Basterds. It felt as if to Tarantino, the Basterds weren't really the stars of the show. Instead, he chose to focus more on Landa and Shosanna. Another would be that I felt some scenes were a bit out of place or rushed not giving enough time for the audience to take in the ambiance of the scene. Yeap, thats it.

To conclude, I would say that Inglourious Basterds is better than Kill Bill but not as good as Pulp Fiction let alone Reservoir Dogs. All in all, it was a very very good film and deserves some Oscar nods. As Aldo Raine cheekily puts it, "You know what Utivich? I think this might just be my masterpiece" a reference to the film itself. I give IB a 10/10. Excellence.

Positives: Brilliant script, Likable characters, Nice flow, Hilarious throughout, Christopher Waltz, Its a Tarantino film, Brilliant soundtrack

Negatives: Some scenes felt rushed, Lack of interaction within the Basterds

Top Ten Movie Characters (Continued)

2009-09-12T21:38:00.000-07:00

5. The Man With No Name

Acted by: Clint Eastwood

Movie: A Fistful of Dollars (1964), For A Few Dollars More (1965), The Good, The Bad and The Ugly (1966)

Info: The definitive role that made Eastwood famous in the Hollywood circle and practically the whole world. Playing a smooth talking cool as motherfucker cowboy with a holier than thou quick draw, this was Eastwood's most memorable role besides Dirty Harry.

Memorable quotes:

The Man With No Name: [counting Angel Eye's men] One, two, three, four, five, six. Six, the perfect number.

Angel Eyes: I thought three was the perfect number.

The Man With No Name: I've got six more bullets in my gun

4. Winston Wolfe

Acted by: Harvey Keitel

Movie: Pulp Fiction (1994)

Info: Harvey Keitel who previously played the role of Mr. White in Reservoir Dogs returns in another Tarantino film to strut his stuff. Wolfe can put Bond to shame. The moment he steps onto the screen. there's the aura of a cool as fuck motherfucker. He knows what to do, how to do and when to do. He is a man of action, not through literal action but through words. He comes in and grabs the situation by the balls. If Wolfe was a real life businessman, he would be the fucking Man of the Year

Memorable quotes:

The Wolf: Jimmie, lead the way. Boys, get to work.

Vincent: A please would be nice.

The Wolf: Come again?

Vincent: I said a please would be nice.

The Wolf: Get it straight buster - I'm not here to say please, I'm here to tell you what to do and if self-preservation is an instinct you possess you'd better fucking do it and do it quick. I'm here to help - if my help's not appreciated then lotsa luck, gentlemen.

Jules: No, Mr. Wolf, it ain't like that, your help is definately appreciated.

Vincent: I don't mean any disrespect, I just don't like people barking orders at me.

The Wolf: If I'm curt with you it's because time is a factor. I think fast and I need you guys to act fast if you wanna get out of this. So, pretty please...with sugar on top. Clean the fucking car.

3. Bullet Tooth Tony

Acted by: Vinnie Jones

Movie: Snatch (2000)

Info: Vinnie Jones was born for this role. A tough as nails motherfucker who plays by his own rules and with a 'don't take shit from no one' attitude. Put to boot some

Memorable quotes:

Bullet Tooth Tony: So, you're obviously the big dick. The men on

the side of ya are your balls. Now there are two types of balls. There are big brave balls, and there are little mincey faggot balls.

Vinny: These are your last words, so make them a prayer.

Bullet Tooth Tony: Now, dicks have drive and clarity and vision, but they're not clever. They smell pussy and want a piece of the action. And you though you smelt some good old pussy, and have brought your two little mincey faggot balls along for a good old time. But you've got your parties muddled up. There's no pussy here, just a dose that'll make yo

u wish you were born a woman. Like a prick. you're having secong thoughts. You're shrinking and your two little balls are shrinking with ya. And the fact that you've got 'REPLICA' written down the side of your guns...

[Zoom in on the side of Sol's gun, which shows 'REPLICA' etched on the side]

Bullet Tooth Tony: And the fact that I've got 'DESERT EAGLE .50'...

[Withdraws his gun and puts it on the table]

Bullet Tooth Tony: Written down the side of mine...

[Zoom in on Tony's gun which shows 'DESERT EAGLE .50 etched on the side ]

Bullet Tooth Tony: Should precipitate your balls into shrinking along with your presence. Now...Fuck off!

2. Rick Blaine

Acted by: Humphrey Bogart

Movie: Casablanca (1942)

Info: Bogart was nominated for an Oscar for his role in this classic film and fuck, he sho

uld have won. Blaine reeks of class from start to finish having the best lines and always having that cool as fuck look in his eyes. The 'I don't give a fuck' look. Solid.

Memorable quotes:

Rick: I'm saying it because it's true. Inside of us, we both know you belong with Victor. You're part of his work. the thing that keeps him going. If that plane leaves the ground and you're not with him, you'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tommorow, but soon and for the rest of your life.

Ilsa: But what about us?

Rick: We'll always have Paris. We didn't have, we, we lost it until you came to casablanca. We got it back last night.

Ilsa: When I said I would never leave you.

Rick: And you never will. But I've got a job to do, too. Where I'm going, you can't follow. What I've got to do, you can't be any part of. Ilsa, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that. Now, now...Here's looking at you kid.

1. Mr. Blonde

Acted by: Michael Madsen

Movie: Reservoir Dogs (1992)

Info: Why is Mr. Blonde in the number one spot you may wonder? Well, I'll fucking tell you why. Mr. Blonde is a sort of person who is on the inside, a psychotic motherfucker but hides this inner demon through his cool demeanor on the outside. He represents the hidden evil in men. Violence is not around him, he is violence. Striking one of the coolest poses since John Wayne.

Memorable quotes:

Mr. Blonde: Listen kid, I'm not going to bullshit you alright? I don't give a good fuck what you know, or what you don't know, but I'm gonna torture you anyway, regardless. Not to get information. It's amusing for me to torture a cop. You can say anything you want cause I've heard it all before. All you can do is pray for a quick death, which you ain't gonna get.

[Removes razor]

Me. Blonde: You ever listen to K-Billy's "Super Sounds of the Seventies" weekend? It's my personal favourite.

Top Ten Movie Characters

2009-09-10T07:21:00.000-07:00

10. Raymond Babbitt

Acted by: Dustin Hoffman

Movie: Rain Man (1988)

Info: Hoffman won an academy award for Best Actor for his potrayal as Raymond Babbitt, an individual suffering from autism who gets dragged from his hospital by his long lost brother Charlie (Tom Cruise) to embark on a humorous and ultimatly emotional adventure.

Memorable quotes:

Iris: So, what are you doing in Las Vegas?
Raymond: We're counting cards.
Iris: You're counting cards?
Raymond: We're counting cards.
Iris: That's interesting.
Raymond: We're counting cards.
Iris: I know you're counting cards, what else are you doing?
Raymond: Are you taking any prescription medication?

9. Hannibal Lecter

Acted by: Sir Anthony Hopkins version

Movie: Silence of the Lambs (1991), Hannibal (2001) and Red Dragon (2002)

Info: Anthony Hopkins won an academy award for his role as Hannibal Lecter in Silence of the Lambs as the genius chilly pshycotic motherfucker who lives on philophosy and human remains.

Memorable Quotes:

Hannibal Lecter: Well, Clarice - have the lambs stopped screaming?

8. Verbal Kint/Keyser Soze

Acted by: Kevin Spacey

Movie: Usual Suspects (1995)

Info: The role of Verbal Kint gave Kevin Spacey his first Oscar as Best Supporting Actor. Spacey played a cripple who looks as timid as a child but looks can be dead fucking deceiving.

Memorable Quotes:

Verbal: Who is Keyser Soze? He is supposed to be Turkish. Some say his father was German. Nobody believed he was real. Nobody ever saw him or knew anybody that ever worked directly for him, but to hear Kobayashi tell it, anybody could have worked for Soze. You never knew. That was his power. The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And like that, poof. He's gone.

7. Tyler Durden

Acted by: Brad Pitt

Movie: Fight Club (1999)

Info: No Oscar here. Just a brilliantly characterised persona that deals with the futiliy of control of life. Also a bit mental. Watching Tyler Durden makes someone wish they could think like that.

Memorable Quotes:

Tyler Durden: Fuck damnation, man! Fuck redemption! We are God's unwanted children? So be it!
Narrator: OK. Give me some water!
Tyler Durden: Listen, you can run water over your hand and make it worse or...
[shouts]
Tyler Durden: Look at me... or you can use vinegar and neutralize the burn.
Narrator: Please let me have it... *Please*!
Tyler Durden: First you have to give up, first you have to *know*... not fear... *know*... that someday you're gonna die.

6. Jules Winnfield

Acted by: Samuel L. Jackson

Movie: Pulp Fiction (1994)

Info: Nominated for Best Supporting Actor, Jackson plays a hitman who realises that life isn't how he should live it to be and plans to redeem himself down the path of God.

Memorable Quotes:

Jules: The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

To be continued...

City of God (2002)

2009-09-05T07:10:00.000-07:00

I rarely watch any film in a foreign language cause, well..its fucking hard to find those kind of movies. I can purely say right now that I'm missing out on a lot of the good stuff. Two words describe City of God; pure brilliance. It was a thrill to watch it from start to finish with a superb narative storyline, characters that you feel for and the visual style as well as the cinematography of the film. The film is mainly about the Cidade de Deus (City of God) in Rio; which was constructed by the government which was basically a slum for the poor, and the denizens who live within its spaces. Although the main character seems to be Rocket (Alexandre Rodrigues) as the narrator, the main focus is on the gang life, violence and drug abuse that skim the surface of the City of God. Rocket acts as the narrator depicting the many stories that surround the city and could be described as being in the middle of everything. The story encompasses two decades starting with the 60's and ending in the 80's.

Rocket caught between the Lil Ze's gang and the police

Rocket acts as the catalyst surrounded by violence but choosing not to walk down that path. Rocket has the dream to be a photographer and what better way to start then with taking the pictures that set the city in motion. The narrative begins with Rocket as a young boy telling the story of 'The Tender Trio' a group of hoodlums comprising of Shaggy, Clipper and Goose (Rocket's brother). This story later sets off the development for Lil Dice who will grow up to be Lil Ze (Leandro Firmino da Hora); a big shot drug dealer in the City of God.

Lil Ze in his early years. Ain't he adorable?

Lil Ze with the gun in his adulthood
The Tender Trio (from left: Goose, Shaggy and Clipper)

The Tender Trio are disbanded right after a motel heist leaving the stage set. Lil Ze having started from scratch takes down all the rival drug dealers along with best friend Benny (Phillipe Haagensen) leaving only Carrot who happens to be Benny's friend. Benny beside Lil Ze acts as the calm side of Lil Ze holding Lil Ze whenever he loses his cool. Everything spirals out of control in the City of God when Lil Ze finds himself in the path of vengeance in the name of Knockout Ned (Seu Jorge) who wages war with Lil Ze after the latter rapes his girlfriend and kills a bit of the family. Rocket's career gets a boost in the line of the war where he takes a bit of pictures for the local newspaper. There is a very smooth flow to the plot as everything taking place is explained in vivid detail pausing somewhat for a backstory of some like the for example the scene where Rocket goes off to buy a joint from Blackie and Lil Ze pays an unexpected visit. The scene freezes and first tells, 'The Story of the Apartment' explaining how Blackie got the apartment from Carrot who got it from Big Boy who got it from somebody else. The scene plays again with Lil Ze barging in. This time Rocket narrates the, 'Story of Lil Dice' explaining how Lil Dice grew up to be Lil Ze and how he took down all the other rival drug dealers. Its moments like these that truly make this film such a joy to watch.

Benny; also known as the coolest hood in the City of God

The film moves with a lot of speed leaving no boring bits and always on the move detailing the amount of life within the walls of this forgotten city. It depicts the life of crime as something that is forced upon these individuals who start off young and end up losing themselves. The film also has its share of disturbing scenes. One where Lil Ze catches up to the Runts (a gang of young children) for robbing shops in his turf. He then catches two of the Runts who are then asked if they want to be shot in the hand or foot. Lil Ze shoots both of the Runts in the feet and then hands over the gun to a small boy in his gang asking him to choose which one to kill as a form of initiation. The two Runts are crying their tears out. The small boy puts up the gun and shoots one of them. Director Fernando Meirelles serves up a film that contains scenes that keep you at the edge of your seat begging for more. The despair within the film is deafening as it never ends. The violence never stops and there is no way out. Thats the message of the film. A tale of how hardcore the slums are. And to top it all of, the film is based on true events.The choice is his..

Overall, I give City of God a 10/10. I'll definitely be putting this into my Top 30.

Tron Legacy

2009-09-03T01:35:00.000-07:00

Directed by: Joseph Kosinski

Written by: Adam Horowitz, Richard Jefferies, Edward Kitsis and Steven Lisberger

Starring: Jeff Bridges, Garrett Hedlund, Olivia Wilde, Michael Sheen and John Hurt

Release Date: 2010

Why you should watch this movie:

Sequel to Tron!
Gladiotor + Videogames
Jeff Bridges reprising his role
Envy the Light Cycle
Computer porn

Tron sort of rhymes with porn. So far, Disney has yet to further ela

borate upon the plot of the film only stating that Kevin Flynn has since disapeared and his son Sam Flynn decides to investigate but finds himself sucked into the cybernetic world his father got trapped in years ago in the first film. That's abut it. But expect some father-son bonding and possibly some cybernetic porn thrown into the mix (fingers crossed for the latter).

This beats a Ducati anytime

Avatar (Preview)

2009-08-31T01:47:00.000-07:00

Directed by: James Cameron

Written by: James Cameron

Starring: Sam Worthington, Zoe Saldana, Sigourney Weaver and Michelle Rodriguez

Release Date: December 18 2009

Why should you watch this movie:

James Cameron's first real film since Titanic
A whopping $237 million budget
Visually a threat
Should be Oscar worthy (11 wins?)
Alien sex

Set in the distant future, the human race has expanded beyond the outer rims of space. The story is set in the planet of Pandora, a land of many resources, outwordly life forms and home of the Na'vi; a race humans deem as primitive. Humans being unable to breath on the planets surface genetically create human-hybrid Na'vis called Avatars which can be controlled remotely by humans and can be used to explore Pandora. Sam Worthington plays Jake Sully (Jack?), a paralysed marine who is selected into the Avatar program where he will regain the ability to walk again. To gain the resources of the planet, the marines venture deeper and deeper into Pandora triggering unrest and finally war with the Na'vi. And along the way

So far, so Pocahontas with a dab of sci-fi. This being a James Cameron's film however and the first 'true' film since Titanic creates an overall, 'I gotta fucking watch this movie' kind of thing. Bonerific.

My Fucking Top 30

2009-08-28T20:09:00.000-07:00

Reservoir Dogs
Snatch
Pulp Fiction
Memento
Leon: The Professional
Gladiator
Fight Club
Usual Suspects
The Good, The Bad and The Ugly
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
True Romance
Kill Bill
Seven
Rain Man
The Shawshank Redemption
A Fistful of Dollars
Borat
Full Metal Jacket
Shaun of the Dead
Saving Private Ryan
The Matrix
Heat
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
The Untouchables
Stand By Me
Natural Born Killers
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
Twelve Monkeys
Dawn of the Dead
28 Days Later

Okay, so far I've talked about four of those mentioned films (Reservoir Dogs, Snatch, Pulp Fiction and A Fistful of Dollars) and my goal at the mo is to finish all 30 alongside my reviews and previews. That may take a while

A Fistful of Dollars (1964)

2009-08-23T02:56:00.001-07:00

The Man With No Name. The ultimate badass motherfucker and one of Clint Eastwood's most memorable role. This is where it started off; A Fistful of Dollars followed by For a Few Dollars More and finally the most awesome western movie EVER, The Good, the Bad and the Ugly all of which were directed by the late legendary director Sergio Leone. A Fistful of Dollars is known as a Spagetti Western, a sub genre of western flicks in which this film gave rise to its popularity. The plot goes as such, The Man With No Name arrives at a little town of San Miguel where he soon discovers is run by two gangs; the Rojos and the Baxters. Realising the potential to make money, The Man With No Name plays a double agent kinda thing with both sides pitting one against the other. Throw in a damsel in distress, Marisol (Marianne Koch) who is forced to stay with the Rojos despite having a family of her own and also the main villain, Ramon (Gian Maria Volonte) who is famous for his rifle shooting and intelligence.

Ramon with a rifle

Like in all traditional westerns, Ramon will face off with The Man With No Name in a showdown at the end of the film. Sergio Leone is often regarded as the master of creating a build up and even if it took all day, the showdowns in his movies tend to leave you gripping your seat filled with an amazing score to boot. His films are also known to offer a far greater sense of realism intact as you can see the amount of grit on the characters as well as the despair of the setting. Also, known for his use of violence A Fistful of Dollars is no exception. Prepare to witness a whole massacre of the US army by use of gattling guns. This was what the West truly was, it was no fairy tale and Sergio Leone knows that.

Marisol with The Man With No Name

The real star of the show will have to be and always be Clint Eastwood. He potrays somebody we all wanna be some day. Fuck. I want to be as quick with a .45 as he is. This is how all fights should be like. Two man or one man against 4 men as exemplified in the video below where The Man With No Name proves his worth.

From the way he walks to the way he lights a match down to the way he talks. So fucking cool. I wish I was as witty and cool as The Man With No Name is. Damn. Besides Mr. Blonde and Rick Blaine, The Man With No Name is at the top of the cool motherfuckers list. Watch the movie for the experience that westerns offer. Let it transport you to another time and place where people kill people for no reason and where mercy is non existent. This is the west as according to Sergio Leone. A Fistful of Dollars. Lets not forget though that Quentin Tarantino was inspired by Sergio Leone.

The Soloist

2009-08-23T02:51:00.001-07:00

I was actually looking forward to this movie. I mean, Robert Downey Jr? And Jamie Foxx as a homeless crazy bum? Fuck yeah. Man, was I disappointed. For starters, the film is based on a true story about Steve Lopez (Robert Downey Jr.) Los Angeles Times columnist who discovers Nathaniel Ayers (Jamie Foxx), a gifted musician who is homeless and schizophrenic. So, Lopez then makes it his life mission to get to know Ayers and find out about his life story and write it off to tell the world. The films main core is to create awareness for the audience on the situation of the homeless and the troubles that plague them. I didn't met any homeless people when I went up to LA but I met a plentiful at San Francisco and fuck were they crazy.

A pic of a homeless person above. One time I was just walking by minding my own business when suddenly BAM! This homeless woman comes up to me and starts mumbling shit. It wasn't any language I ever heard off but she just kept talking to me. I just walked off with only one thing on my mind: What the FUCK was that?! Anyways back to the review.

Its suffice to say that Jamie Foxx stands out in this role as I guess its different. But it wasn't that good and I've certainly seen better performances. Robert Downey Jr. is no doubt brilliant playing a man who tries to banter a crusade for Ayer's causes. Initially, Lopez wanted to tell people about Ayers but ended up forming a friendship with him. This friendship however is put to the test because of Ayers schizophrenic behaviour that caused his current homeless status. However the film is the one major drawback was that it didn't manage to draw me into the film. It just told the story, that's it. The character development could have been better but got lost in the frame. There was absolutely nothing that drew me in. My guess is that director Joe Wright lost his direction and got too into the whole creating awareness for the homeless. If that was the case, this would have worked better as a documentary.

One advice Hollywood; no more movies based on true stories. Its just not good. The reason being; it bores the hell out of us. Yeah, movies based on history are fine but movies based on somebody's life. Pfft. Fuck off. What made the film worth watching is the evolving friendship between Ayers and Lopez and the ensuing rollercoaster ride. Catherine Keener makes an appearance as Lopez's ex-wife but there was nothing that suggested why they separated and Keener was very underused in the film. Catherine Keener used to be hot, if any of you who watched Being John Malkovich would suggest. I should recommend that movie soon.

Catherine Kenner in Being John Malkovich

Catherine Keener in the Soloist

Man, age can do some real damage. I give this film a 5/10.

Positives: Robert Downey Jr., Creates awareness, Friendship between Ayers and Lopez

Negatives: Boring, Nothing to draw me in, Average character development, Slow

Lars and the Real Girl (2007)

2009-08-23T01:35:00.000-07:00

When I begun to watch this movie, I didn't really have very high expectations. Imagine my surprise then when I found myself absolutely loving this film. The premise itself is a strange one as it deals with this guy named Lars who lives quite a lonely existence and has a social life equivalent to zero as he distances himself from others. He shudders at the thought of being loved by others as he fears affection. One day, he goes over to his brother's house, Gus (Paul Schneider) to introduce a woman he met. Initially Gus and his wife Karin (Emily Mortimer) were happy that Lars has finally found love. Imagine their surprise when they find that the woman is actually a sex doll Lars names Bianca.

The family doctor and phycologist, Dagmar(Patricia Clarkson) theorises that Lars is experiencing a delusional state of mind. Therefore, she concludes that the best way to get Lars out of his current state would be to threat Bianca as a real person. And so begins the awkward phase as the whole community has to play along to Lars delusion. In the very least, Ryan Gosling gives an absolutely brilliant performance as Lars. Gosling really made his role believable as a delusional lonely man who is truly in love with his Bianca. For those female readers out there, I'm sure you'll recognise Gosling from the Notebook. The reactions towards Bianca in the early stages had me laughing as the towns people as well as Lars brother could not comprehend why Lars was how he was. They taught he was going insane. Later on, there is a slight transition as the people begun to threat Bianca as a real person, electing her onto the scholl committee and also having her volunteer ast the hospital.

It was sad watching Lars react in his delusional state but also heartwarming as we witness his sincere tender love to Bianca. The relationship between Lars and Gus is explored and so was Lars past and his mothers death providing the reason behind Lars behaviour. The ending was absolutely perfect. All in all, the film was one emotionally funny enjoyable ride. It was a film to watch on a lazy afternoon. One more note to point though, I found myself attracted to Emily Mortimer. I simply have no fucking clue why. She was just the kind of girl that I would want. She has that look. Can't explain.

Theres just something about her

I give it an 8/10

Positives: Great acting (especially Ryan Gosling), Great ending, Emily Mortimer, Great film for a lazy afternoon, Simple yet effective

Negatives: Mediocre character development for minor characters, Too slow at some points

District 9

2009-08-15T00:47:00.001-07:00

With Inglourious Basterds coming in Malaysia 2 months after the official release, I begun to feel depressed and bewildered of the amount of shit blockbusters raping the summer. Then comes along the greatest anti-depressant of 2009, District 9. I fucking love this movie. This is the best movie I've seen so far (IB!) for the year 2009. It was FUCKING awesome! A truly original, provacative sci-fi masterpiece. Basically, it took everything that was wrong with the world and placed it int his film to challenge what it meant. I'm talking racism, corporate corruption, political strife, selfishness and the violence that exists in humans. The story revolves around an alien spacecraft the size of two cities stopping above the city of Johannesburg 20 years ago. The governments of the world under pressure from the public decided to bring the aliens (who were malnourished) down to Earth and set up an area for them to live in. Designated District 9. Living in slum like conditions and continually being harressed by the Nigerian gangsters living there and also increasing conflict with the human population, MNU was formed to ensure proper surveillance over the aliens. But the main purpose of MNU is to discover how to use the alien weapons technology.

The film is presented in a unique way. Adopting a documentary style in some parts to introduce the themes and setting and the more traditional film making to advance the story. The starring cast consists of strictly put, unknowns so there is no star power at access here, with the main actor Sharlto Copley putting up a reasonable at best performance as Wikus van der Merwe; an MNU field operator who is in charge of transporting the aliens to District 10. In the midst of it, he gets infected with an alien substance that changes his DNA to a more alien one presenting the opportunity where he can actually use the alien weapons making him the most valuable person on Earth. Neill Bloomkamp does the one thing that made this movie such a spectacular show, and that was pulling the audience in. The film sucks you in right from the start and doesn't let off until it draws your emotional and intellect all across the floor.District 9 was awesome throughout. From the special effects, to the emotional stance, to the witty flow of the story, to the character development; all the fucking way to the fucking bank. Regarding the special effects, this movie only had a budget of $30 million! And it still managed to create a believable world filled with unique characters. Alien designs were extraordinary and you can actually sense the authenticity of the aliens (Christopher) and it felt real. Unlike Transformers 2 (where the budget strikes at a fucking $200 million) could never have produced robot characters that we would have given a damn about. In District 9, watch out for the blood spewing moments when man meets alien ray blast. The film is bloody and doesn't hide it. If you taught that Rambo 4 was bloody, you haven't seen nothing yet. The film ends at a conclusive note beckoning the audience to think about what will happen next but frankly I just hate those kind of endings. The one negative aspect that I found regarding the movie was censorship.

Seriously, I know your doing your job Malaysian Censorship Board but, MOTHERFUCK! They want to censor the word 'fuck' but end up censoring the word after the word 'fuck' so it sounds like, "Give me the fucking *cut*". And its not like they bleep the word. No. They fucking cut the piece distorting the movie and fucking pissing me off. If you need to cut, cut it properly so that the viewers don't notice anything but better yet don't censor anything. Fuck off.

Positive: Superb plot, Original, Special Effects, Blood & Gore, Great directing, Intelligent, Funny at places, Great finale

Negative: Fucking censorship, Inconclusive

I give D9 a 9/10. I'm gonna watch it again tommorow and can't wait.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

2009-08-09T03:34:00.000-07:00

Another movie based on Hasbro toys and this one nevertheless directed by Stephen Summers! The only good thing about going to this movie was that the trailer of Inglourious Basterds was showing, confirming its release in Malaysia 22 August! Woohoo! When the producers decided to not screen the movie to print critics and focused on internet critics instead you know somethings up. And that something went straight up G.I's ass. The punishment for the act of treason (it is engraved in law) would be 'hang, drawn and quartered'. However, the film opened with this surly motherfucker caught for selling arms to both sides and the British punished him by placing a melted mask on his face. WTF! Historical inaccuracy!

Imagine the cheesiest pizza you can find and place a side order of the corniest corn you can find and you get G.I Joe (retarded comparison I know, couldn't find anything else). Cheese and corn have been ordered to the max and you can clearly see it in the film from the script to the music score to the build up and of course the flashbacks. In the course of the film we see a couple of flashbacks in cue from the black ninja and the white ninja. It could have worked but it didn't. Blame it on bad directing. The plot goes as such. The descendant of the dude in the beginning builds this nano warheads for NATO and tasks the army to send it to someone. Turns out he build them for NATO to get funding and plans to steal it back to use them himself. This looks like a job for the Joe's! Plot wise its not too deep and you can quickly make up the end eventhough there are two supposed twists. Well, the only reason I watched the film was probably because of Ray Park. Lo and behold my disappointment when I discovered the katana fight scenes weren't that special.

In a nutshell, this movie is similar to Transformers 2 with the exceptions of robots. Like T2 G.I overuses the slow motion special effect to the act of unnecessary. Seriously, nobody nowadays can do slow motion as cool as The Matrix and 300. Although I admit I liked the chase scene through Paris but that was only a short transfix. One of the only characters to stand out was Arnold Vosloo as Zartar, Master of Disguises and of course Sienna Miller as Ana Lewis. I would say that Sienna Miller is a much more viewtiful eye candy than tranny Megan Fox.

The humour in the film was not up to par if compared to other lite blockbusters as Ironman. The funniest part in the movie consisted of a helicopter pilot muttering the words 'oh my god' before getting killed by a nanite blast which looked like a cum shot. Although some of the weapon techs were deemed cool, it was not all that impressive. The movie goers behind me however were very much impressed and were not able to comprehend the simplistic plot. Example of conversation behind me:

Kenapa dia tembak President too?
Dia terbang-lah
Dia dah mati ke?
Oooooooo
Ahhhhhh

Motherfuckers, shut the fuck up and watch the fucking movie. Talking is not allowed in the cinema unless your making clever comments about the film such as:

This movie is fucking retarded
Thats the most metrosexual ninja I've seen
Sienna Miller is hot
WTF (in a bad sense)
I bet you that Doctor is the girl's brother

Overall, the acting was average (Dennis Quaid, I was counting on you), script is not worth mentioning, plot is typical, Stephen Summers should pack up and please don't make another one. Its not as sucky as Transformers 2 but its just as bad.

3/10

Pulp Fiction (1994)

2009-08-05T06:33:00.000-07:00

If Reservoir Dogs was the perfect movie, Pulp Fiction was the vessel that launched Quentin Tarantino to super stardom, revitalised Bruce Willis and John Travolta's careers as well as made household names out of Uma Thurman and Samuel L. Jackson. It won the Palme de'Or at Cannes Film Festival as well as nominations for Best Picture, Best Director, Best Supporting Actress (Uma Thurman), Best Actor (John Travolta), Best Supporting Actor (Samuel L. Jackson) at the Oscars clinching an Oscar for Best Screenplay. The dialogue was absolutely 100% brilliant and was a stand out in the film alongside the amazing cast of characters inhabiting Tarantino's world where people debate upon foot massages and the taste of murder. In essence, the film follows a non linear plot which integrates a couple of stories together. First up, the movie starts off with Honey Bunny (Amanda Plummer) and Pumpkin (Tim Roth) robbing a restaurant which would later act as the vessel to carry the restaurant scene at the end of the movie. Pulp Fiction then introduces two hitmen working for gangster Marsellus Wallace (Ving Rhames); Vincent Vega (John Travolta) and Jules Winfield (Samuel L. Jackson) who have a task at hand, to acquire a briefcase from college boy Brett. In this first vid, I present one if the most memorable scenes from Pulp Fiction the breakfast scene.

Right afterwards, the film coverts into another story arc, the Vincent and Mia Wallace (Uma Thurman) arc where Vincent is asked by Marsellus to take his wife out for dinner. Hilarity ensues from a drug overdose courtesy of cocaine. This is where the movie turns into the romance sub genre building the mutual friendship between the two characters. The audience is soon introduced into another storyline, one that involves Butch (Bruce Willis) and his Gold Watch. This scene is my favourite scene EVER in any movie. Christopher Walken! I fucking love that guy!

In light of events, Butch is a boxer who is supposed to throw a fight at the request of Marsellus Wallace. Of course he doesn't and walks away with the betting money. The Gold Watch will play an important part in this storyline as it acts as a coincidential meeting between Butch and Marsellus Wallace. What happens between Marsellus Wallace and Butch will have you literally shouting; WHAT THE FUCK! Hey, its a dark comedy. The story then snaps back to Jules and Vincent as they just got the briefcase and also Martin. The discussion that takes place is the result of the Godlike miracle that Jules had witnessed and brings about his decision to leave the hitman profession and start anew following the path of God. This starts off the Jules Winfield's transition and bears about one of the greatest character development ever. In this particular video, accidents do happen. And happen they do in a bloody exploding mess.

So, this accident has resulted in an unexpected detour. A detour to Jules friend Jimmy's (Quentin Tarantino) house. This sets in motion the introduction to my favorite Pulp Fiction character, Winston Wolfe. Seriously, I have this kind of attraction to coolness. Not in a gay way. Fuck no. Admiration if you must. Wolfe just comes in and takes over with such style and class it would make even James Bond shudder in his pants.

After the cleaning up, we arrive at the restaurant scene which is my second favourite part of Pulp Fiction. Here in this video, we see the direct explanation towards the Ezekiel 25:17 and how it can be interpreted in different ways based on different perspectives. A truly philosophical scene and the showcasing of the to die for wallet. I FUCKING WANT THAT FUCKING WALLET! Bad ASS Motherfucker!

Why is this film the absolute definition of awesomeness. It is the film that has so many memorable scenes and quotes, it will stick with you for the rest of your life. It is the film that has influenced the way the independent film industry is shaped and pulls that fact that films such as these can reap in huge profits. It is the film that has created the standard for all films to come and all films to come by. It is the film that will challenge your definitive thinking and philosophy. It is the film that will change the way you talk. It is the most enjoyable and funniest film you'll ever see in this genre. It is the film that is deemed the greatest of the 90's decade. It is PULP FICTION. So, get off your asses and find this movie and fucking watch it as it is the movie you need to see before you die.

District 9 (Preview)

2009-08-03T06:40:00.000-07:00

Directed by: Neill Bloomkamp

Written by: Neill Bloomkamp and Terri Tatchell

Starring: Jason Cobbs, Robert Hobbs and Sharlto Copley

Why you should see this movie:

Produced by Peter Jackson!
This movie is the result of the failure of the Halo movie
Alien discrimination!
Humans as the bad guys!
Interesting premise

Basically, this movie is about how Earth is visited by this gigantic ship. This ship brought along extra terrestrials who are the remaining survivors of their destroyed home planet. Aliens then set up camp in South Africa in a place designated by the military as District 9 living in slum like conditions will being kept 'safe' from the public. However, this organisation called the MNU couldn't give a fuck ass about the aliens welfare, only wanting the knowledge of the alien weaponry. 28 years has since past and the tension has risen between the humans and non-humans causing violence and unrest. Then along comes the fact that there are secrets hidden in District 9...

Very thrilling and viewing the trailer made me curious to want to watch the movie. Might be the most original movie of 2009 or it might be a dud.

Book of Eli (Preview)

2009-08-02T18:59:00.000-07:00

Directed by: Hughes Brothers

Written by: Gary Whitta

Starring: Denzel Washington, Gary Oldman and Mila Kunis

Release Date: January 15 2010

Why you should watch this movie:

Denzel Washington going all slashy
Gary Oldman as the villain!
Closest thing to a Fallout 3 adaption
Ultra stylished violence
There may be Super Mutants

From the start of the trailer, you can sense the intensity in Washington's voice as he narrates what awaits us in the future. Then BOOM! Car explodes! Knife fights! Gang bangs! GARY OLDMAN AS A VILLAIN! To those that haven't seen Gary Oldman act as a villain; proceed your fucking ass and watch Leon, Air Force One, The Fifth Element and True Romance. Gary Oldman pwns as a villain. He's slick dialogue coupled with that o'so natural flow, fucking insane! The uninitiated would bagger and say 'Another post-apocalyptic movie, yawn'. Well fuck you! To me, this movie would be my Fallout 3 so please don't disappoint me. Look out for VATS and Super Mutants! That would be fucking cool. And Behemoths!

Snatch (2000)

2009-07-30T22:23:00.000-07:00

If your looking for a superbly enjoyable film, Snatch is that film with great performances from an all-star cast filed with a brilliant plot and script coupled with wicked Brit humour. Snatch is one of those films that will remain unforgettable (especially the characters) even after the years flow by. The film basically has different types of characters leading different goals in life but ultimately meet at the end over the films main tie-in, a diamond and a boxing match. The plot in more detail goes as such; Franky Four Fingers (Benicio Del Toro;left) scores off a Grade A diamond for boss Cousin Avi (Dennis Farina; right).

However, Boris the Blade (Rade Serbedzija; left) heard of the diamond and wants it for himself. So, he hires the Three Stooges; Sol (Lennie James), Vinnie (Robbie Gee) and Tyrone (Ade) to rob Brick Top's gambling pool to take the betting money and in the process get the diamond.

Turkish (Jason Statham) and Tommy (Stephen Graham) are in the boxing business and have Gorgeous George as their boxer. However, in an eventual meet, they lose their prize boxer to a pikey by the name of Mickey (Brad Pitt). In the video below, you might check on the interaction at present between Tommy and George with Mickey when buying a trailer from Mickey.

Mickey is presented with a thick accent intact courtesy of Brad Pitt. Scene goes down as Mickey sells Tommy a trailer without wheels (cause pikeys are generally tricky bastards) and so Gorgeous George, Turkish's boxer gets agitated and fights off with Mickey. Turns out, Mickey's a bare-knuckles champion making him as 'hard as a coffin'. With a match coming up, Turkish needed a fighter. Who else but Mickey. Brick Top however being the organiser of this illegal fight decides that Turkish owes him for the last minute change and now Mickey has to go down on the fourth round. Well, viewing the next video, you'll soon see why the group find themselves in a load of shit.

Brick Top (Alan Ford) below is the sort of individual that 'don't take no fucking shit from fucking anybody'. If he wants it, you better give it to him. And if you don't, you get whats coming for you. If you met face up with Brick Top, you will shit your pants.

What happens next is that Brick Top knows about the Three Stooges who hexed a botched robbery on his gambling spot and heads off to their headquarters. See video below for an overly stimulating metaphor of 'as greedy as a pig'.

Seems that Brick Top's got caught up in the search for the diamond and does it get any better than this? FUCK YEAH! In the form of Bullet Tooth Tony (Vinnie Jones), the badass motherfucker in the film. Tony is employed by Avi to help find who has the diamond. He gets the name from being shot in the face 6 times and still standing (literally). View him in his splendid glory in the video below about balls and such. Favourite scene in the movie.

And so, as you can tell, the plot's one brilliantly constructed web connecting all the characters together to pump it out. That's what Snatch is about. The lively characters that inhabit the set piece of Britain's underworld gang top engaging in an endavour of dialogues, witty lines and everything. What makes it worthwhile is watching the story unfold upon itself and the situations that are thrown into the frame. A very funny film nonetheless. FUCKING WATCH IT.

Zombieland (Preview)

2009-07-30T06:51:00.000-07:00

Directed by: Ruben Fleischer

Written by: Paul Wenrick and Rhette Resse

Starring: Woody Harrelson, Jesse Eisenberg and Emma Stone with a cameo by Bill Murray

Release Date: October 9 2009

Why you should watch this movie:

Who doesn't love zombies?
Love Shaun of the Dead = Love this movie
Woody Harrelson in a zombie film!
Bill Murray as the undead (ironic being he was a Ghostbuster)
ZOMBIES!

You can never have too many zombie apocalypse movies. NEVER! Story's about hunting zombies in the apocalyptic setting of zombies plus comedic effect. Also some form of bonding (so-called) relationship among the survivors. And the zombies in this movie don't fuck around. Fuck no. If they wanna eat you, they fucking run after you! Kid zombies! LOL!

Woody Harrelson a.k.a Tallahasse 'ZOMBIE FUCKER!'

Inglourious Basterds (Preview)

2009-07-30T04:57:00.000-07:00

Directed by: Quentin Tarantino

Written by: Quentin Tarantino

Starring: Brad Pitt, Christopher Waltz, Mike Myers, Diane Kruger, Eli Roth, BJ Novak and Maggie Cheung

Narrated by: Samuel L. Jackson

Release Date: 21st August 2009

Why you should watch this movie:

Its fucking Quentin Tarantino!
Script has been in development for 10 years
Described as the next masterpiece after Pulp Fiction
Christopher Waltz won Best Actor at Cannes
Its FUCKING Quentin Tarantino

The movie is divided into two parts; one where a group of ragtag soldiers nicknamed 'The Basterds' led by Lt. Aldo Raines engage upon a mission to assassinate Hitler and another story where an orphaned French Jew finds her whole family murdered by Nazi's and so engages in her own revenge plan to kill those responsible. One thing thats certain in this film is that a lot of Nazi's are gonna die. Nazi's are evil motherfuckers but can be fucking awesome when they need to be. Check out the photo below. (Pic from Dead Snow)

So brutal

Catch Inglourious Basterds 21st August if your American but if your Malaysian like I am, I have no fucking clue whens it coming out. Probably censored. Fucking anal retarded censorship board. Faggots.

The Hangover

2009-07-27T16:47:00.000-07:00

I was supposed to do a piece on Guy Ritchie's Snatch but since I just watched the Hangover yesterday, I controduced myself to do a review on this movie instead. Smart, funny and meaningful, The Hangover is one of those go to Vegas films that end all wrong with the group propelled into horrendous situations. Featuring the talents of Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms and Zach Galifanakiss as Phil, Stu and Alan take soon to be married Doug (Justin Bartha) for a bachelor party in Las Vegas. However, as all would become they wake up after a hard night and find Doug missing, a tiger in the bathroom and a baby in the closet. And so the trio head out to uncover what the fuck happened the night before.

(From left: Alan, Phil and Stu)

Director Todd Philips who has covered works such as Road Trip and Old School (fucking watch it) constructs an unforgettable story and creating a sense that this could be your reality. The real fun is not watching how the trio get into trouble but how trouble gets to them. Its hilarious to watch different types of situations get thrown at them and watching how they react to it. Situations range from a marriage to a stripper, Mike Tyson, Chinese gangsters and stolen police cars (savour the taser scene). The film also deals with the bonds between friends and how one trip can change the lives of Phil (who was bored of marriage), Stu (stuck with a bitchy as fuck girlfriend), Alan (its complicated) and Doug. The plot was marvelous and literally sucked me in.

Heather Graham makes an appearance as a stripper but only gets a few minutes of the camera which was a shame since I kind of liked her character. The flaw in the movie is character development. The team behind the movie were so concentrated on the plot and the set that they almost forgot about the characters. The personality of the trio were never fully utilised and I felt that it was at times unconvincing. Interestingly, the funny lines and scenes were shared equally by all three of the actors with each having a memorable scene in the film. Even if there was a scene where one of the trio got the attention, the others were there to support him thus making the scene funnier. All three of them were always together in every scene perpetuating a bond in between them. Watch for Mr. Chow's ultimate scene of getting out of the trunk naked (full frontal; its okay to get grossed out and laugh at the same time) hitting everyone with a crowbar while speaking the immortal line, 'You wanna fuck on me?'

I give The Hangov er a 7/10.

Favourite quotes:

Stu: So, uh, are you sure you're qualified to be taking care of that baby?
Alan: What are you talking about? I've found a baby before.
Stu: You found a baby? Where?
Alan: Coffee Bean

Alan: Okay, well maybe we should tell that to Rain Man, because he practically bankrupted a casino, and he was a ruh-tard.

Alan: It's not illegal, its frowned upon...like masturbating on an airplane.

Black Doug: Hey man, I can be your Doug.

Stu: She's got my grandmother's Holocaust ring!
Alan: I didn't know they gave out rings at the Holocaust.

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

2009-07-26T19:00:00.000-07:00

To start off, I really enjoyed this new Potter flick. A surprise in fact. Normally I would scoff at this kind of films but it did manage to pull me in albeit a few flaws. As the image would suggest above, Harry and his friends have grown and the film never relents to explore it. The film reeked of teen romance. Which is kind of a FUCKING problem with me.

The movie picks up after the fifth which picked up from the fourth which picked up from the third which sdkjbnsdkvjbfsd. Plot in basic sense. Voldermort getting more powerful. Harry and gang growing older. Romance. Draco becoming more emo. Romance. Half Blood Prince mystery. Bromance. Destroy Voldermort's lifeline stuff. Orgy. The romance was used as a side platter to fill in more time into the movie. And fill in it does with tons of sexcapades. However, I will note that it was kind of funny (some) but that does not mean I like romantic comedies (which I relate as anal retentive). Don't forget to catch the orgy after the credits. Great fun, that.

You may be one of them Potter fans that will point out the differences between the book and movie but you have to understand. The book sucked. You know it, I know it, so watch the fucking movie. David Yates creates his own direction into the plot forgoing most of the happenings present in the book. I quit after the fifth book. J.K. Rowling can get disemboweled for all I care.

As you might probably find out from Urkel, the movie is darker with a sense of druid clouding behind the meta frame. Dark, whimper, whimper. Hopelessness. Slytherin would be the epitome of goth and emo. It would be EMOTH!

The dark feel of the movie was brighten by the clever humour and the brilliant performances by the cast. Radcliffe and gang felt more comfortable doing their thing along with Rickman's one liners. Look out for stand out performances by Frank Dillane (left) as the teenager Voldermort and Jim Broadbent (right) as Horace Slughorn.

Frank Dillane provides a chilling performance as a young sadistic Voldermort and plays the role in overdrive, being quite natural in his role. Jim Broadbent who I recently saw in Hot Fuzz plays a character that prefers to surround himself with the life of other aspiring young leaders presenting an open attitude with a flair of clumsiness in his nature while also harbouring guilt about his past with Voldermort. Favourite scene would be when Horace talks about the gift he received from Harry's mom. Loved it.

As for the visual effects, they were stunning and beautiful especially the scene when Gandalf, I mean Merlin, I mean Dumbledore pwned the little undead fuckers with a little flamethrower spell. Also worth mentioning whould be the Quidditch play-off which were great proving Yates worth. Actual footage of the Quidditch game from Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince below.

To end this review, I would give Harry Potter a 7.5/10. Still better is Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. Basilisks rulez!

Positives: Superb acting, Plot's okay, David Yate's directing, Visual effects

Negatives: Too much teen romance, No nudity (Emma Watson), No profanity

Reservoir Dogs (1992)

2009-07-25T08:30:00.000-07:00

If your about to die and have one film to pick before death molests you with his icy hand, that movie will be Reservoir Dogs. The masterpiece by directing maestro Quentin Tarantino, Reservoir Dogs is the greatest of the greatest according to me. And according to me, you will fucking watch the movie!

Five professional robbers, Mr. White, Mr. Blonde, Mr. Pink, Mr. Orange, Mr. Blue and Mr. Brown along with criminal mastermind Joe Cabot and son "Nice Guy" Eddie attempt a jewelry heist. The cast is introduced in one of the coolest openings ever walking in slow motion to George Baker's Little Green Bag (view video above). The movie starts off with the cast moving in towards the jewelry heist but soon cuts off to what happened after the heist with a bleeding Mr. Orange. The plot then flows into a new level with the audience guessing what went wrong during the heist and the inclusion of a traitor among the mix. During the film, the plot goes back to the past way before the heist to build up Mr. White's, Mr. Blonde's and Mr. Orange's backstory and relationship with Joe Cabot.

Mr. Blonde (to the left) is hands down one of the coolest badass psychotic motherfuckers to ever appear in a film. Michael Madsen plays it like an ace, projecting a character with a cool demeanour on the outside hiding an out of control monster on the inside. You can't help but love what he does. Favourite Mr. Blonde quotes:

'Listen kid, I'm not gonna bullshit you, all right? I don't give a good fuck what you know, or don't know, but I'm gonna torture you anyway, regardless. Not to get information. It's amusing, to me, to torture a cop. You can say anything you want cause I've heard it all before. All you can do is pray for a quick death, which you ain't gonna get.'

Fucking hell, thats some fucking cold shit. Witness his eternal glory in the form of a video! Nothing gets better than this shit. Note: Steeler Wheeler's Stuck in the Middle of You plays in the background.

Inspired by Sergio Leone (The Good, The Bad and The Ugly), Quentin Tarantino has a hand in controlling the camera. The camera work in Reservoir Dogs is fine stuff (better than Micahel Mann's anyway) giving the actors space to give their best and ensuring that the camera angles compliment the flow of the film.

This would be the trunk shot from the car created by Quentin Tarantino and first featured in Reservoir Dogs. In this pic, Mr. Blonde is showing to Mr. White (second from left) and Mr. Pink (first from left) the policeman he bagged for interrogation. If you have watched the previous video you might know what happened to the cop who suffered at the hands of Mr. Blonde.

Talking about the music score, Tarantino compiled songs mostly from the 70's and damn are they good. Joe Tex, Harry Knilson, Steeler Wheeler and George Baker decorate the films estutite violence. Quentin Tarantino has really good taste in music and one of the reasons he was chosen as a guest judge in American Idol. Sadly, a lot of people remember him only for that. Fuckers.

The only flaw in this movie is that it was too short. 99 minutes of absolute genius ending with a spectacular Mexican Standoff, a clear inspiration taken from the books of Sergio Leone. To end this recommendation post let me present to you one of the best scenes in the movie; The Commode Story with Mr. Orange. Spoiler may be present.

Songs to savour:

Joe Tex - I Gotcha
Steeler Wheeler - Stuck in the Middle of You
George Baker - Little Green Bag
Harry Knilson - Coconut

The next Quentin Tarantino movie to be recommended would be Pulp Fiction but before that prepare for a review on Harry Potter and the Half Blood Pince followed by a recommendation post of Guy Ritchie's Snatch

Transformers 2

2009-07-23T01:31:00.000-07:00

A lot of people seemed to love Transformers 2. Them folks in the 5th dimension label those people as retards. A lot of critics gave Transformers 2 bad to shit reviews, but I decided to watch it anyway. Fucking hell. Why do I torture myself like this?

Michael Bay is the worst of the worst. Steven Spielberg knew this during the first movie and he kept Bay on a leash. However, for the second outing, Spielberg thought that maybe we ought to give more freedom to this guy. Spielberg deserves a jab to the balls. Bay is like an over-caffeinated teen on a sugar rush not knowing when to stop and how to control. His persona is transferred to the actors as they to seem to be hyper spanked space monkeys; spewing their lines with guy abandon at full volume. The 360 degree camera turns and slow motion views seem to be the only directing tricks he knows with the movie filled to the brink with them shebangs. If the slow motion moments were placed correctly in the movie, that would be a plus but instead the opposite happens because of Bay's undisciplined stance on directing.

The script is, how can I put this in a lighter tone, fucking ball crap. Degenerate dialogue planned out across the limits of sound. "I love you but you say I love you first" crap that I can never tolerate. A movie without unforgettable characters is a must but not for the wrong reasons. The Twins. Fucking bull cunt. How the hell did they get more dialogue than Optimus Prime. When one of the Twins got swallowed by something resembling my dick I thought 'Its about fucking time' but wait; through the sheer shitz of it he survived by blasting his way out. Comedy is one of my fav genres, but the humour in T2 is as low as low can go. Robots farting, Robot humping leg, Dog humping dog, Irritating Mom character, etc. Why not throw some tranny jokes while their at it. Oh wait. Megan Fox is somewhat a TRANNY. She is a hot human specimen and all but I still fear that she may be a MAN! To those that have already masturbated to her pictures, fake or real, it will be a sad day for you.The only thing Megan Fox does right in the movie is pose and pose she does in the most awkward poses of awkward poses. If Sharon Stone was bad in Basic Instinct 2 and Halle Berry worst in Catwoman, Fox is situated below demonstrating an incapable depth in character.

Her co-star Shia LeBouf also struggles to perform due to Bay's poor directing skills. Shia shows some promises but is still too much an amateur. The last part of the review is reserved for plotholes, the glorious stephold in a film. It is stated that only a prime can kill a prime as told by The Fallen but how did Megatron manage to kill Optimus unless Megatron is a Prime but when Optimus died, the Fallen replied that 'The last Prime is dead' contradicting to the fact that Megatron is a Prime. If Megatron was a Prime, then the Fallen would have killed Megatron. Therefore, how the fuck did Megatron kill Optimus if only a Prime can kill a Prime? If the Decepticons got the symbols from Sam early in the movie, why weren't they in Egypt already? How the fuck do you land an amphibious assault in the Pyramids area? Do good robots go to robot heaven with the Primes? Whats the Terminator from T3 doing here? And why the fuck is the fucking movie 2 and a half hours long? Questions such as this ravage my mind or in my own terms, rape my brain. The movie plays along the anti-Arab theme very strongly. Destroying the Pyramids and countless other Egyptian national treasures, the Jordanian military comes in only to be shot down immediately. Maybe they did it for the lulz.

Whats the score Almighty Haikal? I give this shitpile a 1/10. (However, I would increase the score a little if provided a bit of *cough green *cough)

Negatives: Long, Horrible script, Over-Caffeinated acting, Bad bad bad directing, Distasteful humour, Retarded characters, Plotholes O Plenty, Grotesque plot, Too many unnecessary characters

Positives: CGI is good I guess, what else, what else...

Lets pray for a change in directors for the next Transformers. Ridley Scott perhaps? Or James Cameron?

Introduction

2009-07-23T01:19:00.000-07:00

This entire blog is dedicated to one thing and one thing only; MOVIES! If your a movie fan, your welcomed to browse along the site but if your not, you better fuck off.

For the duration of the blog, I will recommend great films to watch (from every movie period) and in the meantime provide reviews on movies I have recently watched. Please note that I will provide a very in depth analysis on films and most importantly whatever I say is right. Thats the deal motherfuckers, theres no use arguing with me. This is my blog and I say what I want to fucking say. If you feel the need to argue with my thoughts, be free to comment. I dare you. I know people, scary people. One call to the North Pole and Santa's gonna come down your chimney to rape your ass.

I would say that's one bloody good intro if I should say so myself. Brilliant.